


Confessions

by Janie94



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9626597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie94/pseuds/Janie94
Summary: It is February 07, 2017. The day Philipp announces his retirement from football. The day Manuel's bubble bursts and reality hits him hard. The day that he has to find the courage to bare his heart or risk losing the man he loves forever...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Исповедь](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763367) by [Icy_mint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icy_mint/pseuds/Icy_mint)



> This is just me trying (and failing) to deal with Philipp's announcement after yesterday's game that he would end his football career after this season. I've known for half a year that Xabi would be retiring, but I'm still not over it. Now Philipp will leave as well. :( How is my poor heart supposed to handle this?

 

**  
Confessions**

 

The announcement wasn't completely unexpected.

Manuel has always shoved the thought away, the mere thought of Philipp ending his football career too much for him to take. The older man has been mentioning the possibility for months now, but Manuel quickly changed the topic or sometimes when he was feeling brave, he tried to reason with Philipp, begging him to do at least one more year.

These conversations have always been straining for both of them, Philipp eventually falling silent while Manuel is still pleading him to change his mind.

A small part of the blond, the one that has begrudgingly accepted Philipp's decision, has been telling him that it won't be the end of the world. Philipp will take a position in Bayern's management as the new sports director or become part of the training staff just like Miroslav did. They would have still been able to see each other regularly.

But tonight Philipp announced his retirement after the current season and that he had no plans to get involved in the club as of now.

And Manuel realized that his time at Philipp's side was coming to an end. In a few months he wouldn't be the vice-captain anymore, no, he would most likely ascend to Philipp's rank, trying to follow in his footsteps. That alone was something he was sure he couldn't achieve.

Manuel has been happy with how things are standing at the moment, not only on a professional level. He and Philipp have become more than just teammates, more than just captain and vice-captain. They aren't boyfriends, both of them agreeing that they were not willing to be in a committed relationship. Or rather that's what Philipp told him right after their first kiss five years ago and Manuel agreed to it. Because it was alright, Manuel was just a naive 25 year old who was falling in love with a man for the first time in his life while Philipp was the captain of both Germany and Bayern Munich; he had enough responsibility to carry on his shoulders without Manuel declaring that he wanted to be with him for more than just one night every few months.

Manuel thought it was alright, because they still had so much time. So much time for him to win the older man's heart. So much time for him to tell Philipp about his feelings.

But now the time is up and Manuel has achieved nothing. He has been too cowardly to tell Philipp the truth, instead hoping the older man would eventually change his mind and fall in love with him as well.

God, he was such a fool...

Manuel's hand around Mats' fingers tighten as they face their cheering fans in the Südkurve of the Allianz Arena and from the corner of his eye he can see the defender frowning at him.

When they eventually trudge over the grass towards the tunnel, Mats leans closer to him. “I understand why you're upset, Manu, really I do. But I think you're going to be a lot more miserable if you don't come clean now.”

Of course Mats knows. Half the team has been suspecting it and Mats is too attentive to have missed the looks Manuel has been giving their captain.

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” he still says, too familiar with the lie he has been telling himself for years to abandon it now.

Mats' eyes narrow to slits and he grabs Manuel's arm urgently. “Wake up, Manu! This issue won't just settle itself, you have to tell Philipp what you feel because in a few months Philipp will be out of your life.”

Manuel tears his arm free with an annoyed snarl. “It's not like he is dead, we just won't see other that often anymore.”

“And you seriously think you will have more courage then than you have now?” Mats retorts instantly. “Now that you two are so close?”

Manuel pushes against his chest angrily, making the defender stumble back. “I'll remind you of your own words next time we have training with the national team and you're staring longingly after Benni.”

Mats freezes and Manuel regrets his rudeness instantly. Before he can apologize, Mats has already turned away from him. “I just wanted to help, but if you want to be stubborn, fine.”

Manuel bites his lip as he watches Mats stomp away and slowly he makes his way into their locker room. Most of his teammates are under the showers already judging by the noise coming from that direction. Mats is hurrying to get his stuff and follow the others, completely ignoring Manuel as he passes the blond.

The only two men left in the room besides Manuel are Thomas and Robert, the Pole pinning the German against his locker while he is attacking his mouth vigorously.

Usually Manuel would roll his eyes and leave them alone because he really doesn't want to see more. But tonight he is frozen in place, unable to turn away from the truth. This is what he wants so badly, for Philipp to be kissing him like this after every match and for them to fall asleep in each other's arms.

He has watched Thomas and Robert dance around each other for more than a year and he has laughed at them for failing to see the obvious. Now he is envious of them, especially of Thomas for eventually finding the courage to bare his heart to the man he has fallen for.

It is this moment that the younger man opens his eyes and sees Manuel standing in the room watching them. He frowns and gently he pushes against Robert's chest to make him stop. “Manu, are you alright?”

“Of course I am, we won after all,” he replies automatically, the lie falling easily from his lips.

Thomas' eyes dart to those of his lovers briefly and after a moment Robert takes a step back to release him.

Tentatively Thomas steps closer. “It's not too late yet. What are you afraid of, Manu? What do you have to lose by telling him? All Fips can say is 'no' but at least you have tried then.” He squeezes Manuel's shoulder before leaving the room then.

The goalkeeper expects Robert to follow his boyfriend, but he stops right in front of Manuel, a thoughtful expression in his surprisingly soft eyes. “You know, if you don't tell Philipp about what's in your heart, he won't wait for you.” Manuel flinches at those words and Robert adds, “He will move on and find somebody to spend the rest of his life with. It is up to you who that person will be.”

He hesitates, but then he pulls Manuel into his arms as though to make up for the painful sting that his words left in the older man's chest.

Manuel shivers as the thought of Philipp being with somebody else, loving somebody else is burning him from the inside. “I want to be the one,” he whispers in a shaking voice and tightens his grip around the other man as the magnitude of his confession sinks in. “I want to be his lover, his boyfriend, his _everything_.” He sobs into Robert's shoulder, allowing himself to be weak and crumble under the pain of his heartache. “I want to him to fall asleep in my arms, I want his face to be the first thing I see when I wake up. I want to fight with him over vanities, I want to kiss him when I apologize for being so stubborn. I want to be angry with him and let him fuck me into the sheets one night and I want to make sweet, passionate love to him the one after. I want everything he is able to give me.” He takes a deep breath, feeling drained after all these confessions. “I just want to be with him, Lewy.”

Robert has let him talk and cry his heart out without interrupting him once, but now he pulls back and Manuel is completely thrown off by the little smile playing along his lips. Then his eyes shift slightly, focusing on something behind Manuel.

“Thank you, Robert.”

Manuel freezes at the familiar voice and when he turns his head, he comes face to face with the man he loves.

Philipp is standing in the doorway, eyes settled on Manuel with a deep frown on his face. He takes several steps closer and the younger man is barely aware of Robert retreating and leaving them alone. All he can see is Philipp walking towards him, one of his hands coming up to tenderly touch the side of his face. “Why did you never tell me this, Manu?”

Manuel swallows hard and when he replies, he can barely hear his own words over the loud drumming of his heart. “Because you told me you didn't want to be in a relationship with me.”

Philipp chuckles though he looks sad and his second hand joins the other one so that he is cupping Manuel's face. “I told you that five years ago because I had just kissed you and you were telling me in that moment that this was the first time you kissed a man and that you are so confused about your own feelings now. I didn't want to put any pressure on you or make you feel like you are obligated to become my boyfriend just because you enjoy kissing and having sex with me.” He raises himself on his tiptoes and pulls Manuel's face down towards his own until their foreheads are touching, making Manuel shiver at their proximity. “You were still busy trying to find your place in this club and then I kissed you and suddenly you had to question your sexuality as well. I wanted to give you space to find out on your own what you wanted. I never had a doubt that you would tell me about it once you have figured it out. But everything you ever asked from me since then were a few nights of making out and sex in the showers. And so I lost hope that you could ever feel more for me than just desire.”

“It has never been just desire,” Manuel admits and his arms come around the smaller man to hold him tight and keep him in place. “I've always wanted more from you. And tonight I realized that I would be losing you without you ever knowing that I loved you.”

Philipp chuckles and Manuel can feel his breath on his lips. “You would have lost me if it weren't for Mats and Robert asking me to wait with changing until Thomas left.”

“They knew about me,” Manuel responds with a smile. “They knew about us.”

“They knew neither of us would confess their feelings as long as we knew the other was there. We were both trying to do what we thought was best for the other and almost ended up doing the exact opposite.”

“I thought I would be able to move on from you, but now that I got faced with the reality, I realize that I'm not strong enough,” Manuel whispers, trying hard to keep his voice from breaking. “I love you too much to let you go, Philipp.”

“Then don't,” the older man tells him in a hoarse voice. “Never let me go.”

It is the last thing that is spoken between them before their lips finally meet in a raw, open-mouthed kiss. Manuel groans at the wonderful feeling of Philipp's tongue entering his cavern as he deepens the kiss.

They are devouring each other greedily, all these pent-up emotions between them finally finding an outlet as they finally allow love to join their passion and Manuel wants this moment to never end, their bodies pressed tightly against the other, their tongues fighting and teasing while their cocks are desperately begging for attention.

Philipp pulls away and Manuel knows instantly what he intends to do as the older man sinks to his knees in front of him. But tonight Manuel has different plans. He sinks to his knees as well, pulling Philipp's face back to his, once again sealing their mouths together.

Because the man he loves asked Manuel to never let him go...

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and/or kudos - any form of feedback is highly appreciated!


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